Supporting Big Emotions
One of my favourite topics in lactation is breastfeeding and weaning toddlers / older nurslings. I enjoy it because it tends to expand into parenting techniques in general. As someone fully trained and experienced with Early Years development, psychology, and parent support, I love being able to use those skills alongside my lactation training.
For example, did you know that crying isn’t bad for your little one? The way we approach it can help or hinder, though! Often parents try to say “not right now” to their nursling’s request for milk, but then worry about the inevitable explosion of feelings that follow. It's hard to know what to do when your child is lying on the floor and sobbing – and often, it feels kinder to change your mind.
However, crying and expressing feelings of disappointment, sadness, frustration, or anger is normal and healthy. We have an opportunity in that moment to teach our children to feel secure and loved with whatever feelings come up for them.
So, what should you do? Instinct is to stop the crying, but science and psychology tells us that it’s usually better to allow the tears to fall. It’s like counselling, or therapy. If you’ve ever spent time in a therapist’s office and cried, you’ll have noticed that they don’t stop you from crying. They simply sit with you until you’re ready to move on. We can offer the same support for our little ones, and the evidence tells us this is a great thing to do. (Gračanin, 2014)
How do you do this? Hand in Hand Parenting is a great resource when it comes to dealing with emotions. They (and many other advocates for this type of parenting) suggest keeping your words to a minimum, but showing that you are there in other ways. For example, you might kneel down so you’re on the same level as your little one. You could say one or two words now and again, such as “You really wanted boobie.” or “I know this is hard.” or “I’m right here. You’re safe.” The reason lengthy explanations, reasoning, or talking a lot doesn’t help is because when your child is very upset, the logical part of the brain isn’t working and your little one just cannot process what you’re saying. In fact, it can make them overwhelmed and more frustrated when we try to talk. However, if you can quietly wait for your little one to be ready for a cuddle or distraction, then they will usually calm down faster.